i can't even remember when i created the thing. five years ago maybe. i think it was after pre-college. i probably joined because it was similar to one of those fleeting impulses you get to join friendster or hotmail. you joined because all your new arty friends had one and you mainly used it to drunkenly complain about your life. well, that's what i used my livejournal account for. i think i only made about one post per year. so in that sense i 'had' a journal, but i didn't really 'have' a journal. whenever i made a post it would usually be angsty-gay-one-liners regarding whatever gf i had at the time. my whole life is about embarrassment clearly.
i realized that i don't even look at livejournal anymore. so the other day i deleted it. then the next day i quickly un-deleted my deleted journal because i wanted to retrieve the one post that i remember liking.
while scanning through all of my typed up teenage vomit, i came across stuff like "i've been drinking too much, getting a beer belly...the fourth season of the l word starts tonight and i'm super duper excited... "
i thought, "god, this is the gayest thing ever." but for the past couple of years i only kept the journal to check the postings of the 'tegan & sara' group and postsecret which is also pretty gay. now it's deleted from my life.
so from one blog to another comes my formal re-posting of the only post from my livejournal account that i ever liked. it's by far the longest/most detailed story i put on there, and it's mostly about being a jackass with my friend Jeremy. plus! it's 'Christmas in Vermont' themed, which is right around the corner.
"so yesterday jeremy calls me and says "there's a nativity scene that we have to steal the baby jesus from!". and i said "yesssss!". he came by the store to pick me up and it was already dark out. i thought we would be going to a church in town, but in fact we were only driving two blocks down the street to the barber shop. the woman that owns it is extremely religious and there was a very elaborate nativity scene out front. the scene was lit up like gold and it seemed like holy rays were coming out of the baby's head. so we knew we had to take action. we were parked right out front and leaped out of the car while no one was watching. i grabbed the baby, stuffed him inside of my coat, and ran like hell. jeremy grabbed the blanket/cradle thing that he was sleeping on. we got to the car and quickly opened the back door and placed the baby on the floor, knowing he would have fun sliding around. with our new lust for life we knew we had to get some beer. so we went to maplefields, which is owned by ultra-conservative-creepy people, and we bought two 32oz cans of miller high life. we then quickly made up our minds and decided that we should find another baby jesus to steal so our friend in the back wouldn't get lonely. we drove down the mountain road and came to the catholic church and we turned into their parking lot. their nativity scene was in a creche and wasn't lit very well and the figures appeared to be made of wood. we were dismayed to see that there was no baby jesus, so we didn't know what to do. we were about to leave when i said "why don't you just take one of the other ones. take mary. the kid needs a mother!" so jeremy screamed with excitement, got out of the car, scooped mary up, and dumped her in my lap. then we were off again. as we were trying to leave three cars came into the parking lot. jeremy said "look in the other direction! look deeply into the other direction!" as we pulled out i noticed that one of the cars had stopped in front of the scene and i got a little nervous.
so there was the baby jesus, mary, jeremy, and i roaring down the streets. we were basically joyriding through stowe, which we did all the time in high school, and it's something that gives jeremy a real thrill. but this time it was a little more exciting, plus we had beer. jeremy was getting very nervous and decided that we should drop the kid and his mom off at my house. so we did, and put jesus and his mommy on the granite table in my mud room. i thought it would be a nice surprise for my parents when they got home. so we drove off into the night once more and jeremy said "we should put the empty beer can where the jesus was!". and i thought that was a nice idea. so we drove back to the barber shop and i threw the can out the car window and it hit one of the lambs in the head. it didn't make it to the spot where the baby was so i jumped out of the car and put the new baby in it's right place. all this while there was a parade of people coming down the street. oh well.
so after all this excitement jeremy decided it was time for him to go to essex and have sex with a boy he met on myspace. and apparently this boy has also had sex with jeremy's younger stepbrother. interesting.
so i went home. and when i got there my mom was standing in front of the baby and his mother and pointing at them. she had a look on her face like i taken a dump where they were sitting.
she said "those are really freaking me out. put them outside." then later my dad came home and they made me tell them where i got them from. this made them really angry and said that if i didn't put them back we would have bad luck forever. my dad is very italian and superstitious. so i made my dad come with me and sit in the car while i brought them back. he held them both in his lap like they were real people.
so once again i was back at the barber shop and once again the baby jesus was hiding in my coat like i was breast feeding him. this time i just walked over and put the baby where the beer can was, and i put the beer can in my coat. i said sorry to the baby and got in the car. when we got to the catholic church there were over 100 cars parked there. this made me a little terrified and i asked my dad if i could put mary back in the morning. but he made me get out of the car and put her back. the people in the church must have thought she went for a walk or something.
when i got home i actually ended up feeling really bad about what jeremy and i had done. so i got drunk and crawled over to the couch where my mother was and said "the baby jesus must hate me". she said "no it's fine". and my dad said "it's like you took them on a nice adventure. they got to experience life outside of the nativity scene." today i'm just sad that i didn't get to have my picture taken with the baby jesus."
